The Arrival

So here is part 2! The main event if you like! This was hard to write and for more than one reason hard to remember. I want to point out, I am aware this is no where near the worst birth there has ever been and I was very lucky to have all the support I did. I know that isn't always the case!

Here we go...

23/01/23 baby girls due date (I know 1st babies never come on their due date... or do they?) I think everyone by this point was in agreement that things needed moving along. At the 6 hours post second gel mark, so around 9.30am my contractions and my cervix still weren't doing enough for my waters to be broken, there was no chance of a water birth after the blood pressure spike and also because of the cannula so we went ahead with the third lot. Things got moving this time still slow but I remember the pain being worse and by the afternoon I was ready to be done. I got in the bath just in time for Mum to arrive and had a good bloody cry about how painful it all was and how I wanted to go home or for someone else to do it for me. That wasn't happening, so I stayed in the bath until it went cold and I had to get out or risk becoming a prune.

Every time I walked, moved or went to the toilet at this point triggered a contraction. Which meant although moving was best and in some cases necessary, I really "didn't wanna!"

It is the longest it has ever taken me to get out of a bath, get dried and dressed and I had started squeezing poor Ross' hand which was now taking a battering. Throughout my pregnancy my mental health had been up and down at best so I had sought the support of the Mental Health Midwife team, Lyndsey who had been supporting me popped up to visit and give me a hug and some support which was amazing and I will always remember the kindness and support her and her team gave me. Even though I looked her dead in the eye and told her I hated her for telling me I could do this!

4.30pm and finally Heidi tells me that I am 3cm dilated - I know how pathetic for the amount of time I had been having contractions - and that she was going to be breaking my waters. I was so relieved and honestly ready for it, little did I know! Having your waters broken is the strangest feeling like a really uncontrollable wee! the incontinence pants we had bought really came into their own and that's really when the real action started. The pain was like nothing I have ever felt and without the cushioning of the waters I felt every little bit. My calm hypnobirthing breathing and relaxation techniques went out of the window. Ross and Mum were watching the numbers on the monitor go higher and higher with each contraction and I was begging them to do it for me or let me go home. At this point (not a glamourous one at that) Yvonne, the amazing midwife who had seen us for our 40 week appointment and ultimately caused all this arrived to see how I was getting on. I think the term she used after I looked at her was "if looks could kill" and although at that moment I could have happily murdered her had I had it in me, I am so grateful she was honest and didn't skip over the potential danger to me and baby and sent us to the ward. That amazing woman, talked me through each contraction she was there for using imagery of going over a hill and coming down the other side, there was no squeezing, no shouting, just breathing. Ross said it was amazing, the change in me from that point and he and Mum continued to use it. The pain ultimately got worse - have I mentioned I had only been having paracetamol and codeine at this point? - and I asked for more, Heidi told me I wasn't really meant to have gas and air just yet as I wasn't far enough along but she didn't want to be cruel so argued my case and I got it, not that it did a whole bloody lot! It did however give me something else to focus on while going up and down that bloody hill!

7pm Heidi had to leave us, which I will be honest made me cry when she had gone because I had grown quite attached even though she was the one who had broken my waters and caused me even more pain - If she ever reads this I hope she knows she is forgiven! Marie came on shift at this point and was lovely and very reassuring, everyone had been well briefed on how things had been going and were also aware of my mental health struggles through pregnancy so were always checking in with me!

Marie offered to examine me to see how dilated I was, which I refused because quite honestly I was sick of people sticking their hands up my floo!

We did have to go on the monitor though which by this point I hated because it made the contractions feel worse. We were in a good spot, nice and regular contractions and baby was doing nicely with movements and heart rate. By now I wanted more pain relief and had asked for Pethidine as Marie said it would help me relax, but without the examination to make sure I was dilated enough I could only have half, which I accepted. Within 20 minutes I could feel the relaxation, Ross and Mum have told me I was talking in 2 word sentences and wasn't making a lot of sense and I will be honest I can't remember talking.

It wasn't long before I had a new feeling with each contraction. At about 8pm I shouted at Ross "I'm pushing", of course no one believed me, I happily agreed to let Marie examine me and wasn't as surprised as everyone else when she popped her head up and stated "Oh, yep you're 10cm". I mean after all that time and it only takes me 4.5hours to go from 3cm to 10cm?! I was so relieved and so ready to start pushing but I wasn't allowed yet as things had to be in place. We were still on the monitor as we had had further pain relief but sheets had to be put in place and people had to be on standby just in case. It was a hard slog and the most I can remember is Mum, who had said she didn't want to see anything, every now and then appearing at the bottom of the bed with a face of what I can only describe as fascinated fear. The overwhelming moment when I touched baby's head and Ross and Mum shouting at me to push like they were watching a Rugby or Football match! Ross was feeding me Lucozade in between each push as my mouth was so dry from the gas and air. Marie and another midwife Jackie were talking me through each contraction and push but I could hear them saying things like tight band and cut. When more Doctors and an anaesthetist came in I started begging them not to cut me. I had read that this was harder to heal from than a tear and I was told (I can't remember who by) that then I was going to have to bloody push hard. I then heard Jackie mention about decell and immediately new that baby wasn't doing as well and they wanted her out soon. So I bloody pushed, with everything that I had, and probably a bit more at that and we did it. I remember thinking at around half 8 that baby would be born at 9.30pm and I wished I had said so!

Georgia Elizabeth Ivy was born at 9.28pm 23/01/23 (her due date!) weighing 6lbs 13oz and measuring 52cm

I so wanted to cry but I physically didn't have it in me but I dry sobbed when she was put on my chest and I heard her little cry and saw her gorgeous face for the first time! I don't think there was a dry eye in the room from Mum or Ross, we were all so happy to meet her and I was so damned pleased I had done it myself!

Now that obviously was not the end! Anyone that has given birth will know that there is a whole lot that goes on after.

I had 2 second degree tears and another minor one that had to be stitched up which took a while as the more they stitched the more I bled. In the end they did the best they could. I fed Georgia for the first time with the support of Marie. The last shock that we had though was the fact I had lost 670ml of blood. The toast! Oh my word, was honestly the best thing I have tasted! was definitely worth all the hard work.

Mum couldn't stay for long due to restrictions still in place but stayed until I had been stitched up and was somewhat more myself with the gas and air wearing off. We were then told we were going to be moved to another room with a proper bed for the night and the rest of our stay. I was dying for a shower so when we made the move did just that! However between the lack of sleep, the blood loss and the drugs when I came out of the shower I just about passed out (after shouting for Ross obviously) and 2 midwives and Ross helped me to bed so Ross could help me finish getting ready for sleep. Georgia had other plans though and in hindsight that was probably due to the amount of Lucozade I had drunk over the last 2 days and she stayed awake the whole time! Ross had to leave 6 hours after she was born again due to restrictions but was reluctant to as even at 3am she was wide awake and not wanting to settle, but he did as he needed to sleep so he could come back the next morning. I eventually called Marie for help at 5am and bless that amazing woman because she bundled Georgia up in warm towels and picked her up telling me to go to sleep. I woke up 2 hours later to a very content Georgia fast asleep in the cot next to me.

That about sums her arrival up! Long I know but living it was longer and will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. But I look at her now and know that it was all worth it and I wouldn't have it any other way. There are some good and funny memories in there mixed in with the pain and anxiety. Those are the moments in life I use to get me through all the crappy ones!