Let's Start at the Very Beginning...

In at the deep end! I honestly didn't know where to start my first blog, still don't really. But seeing as I am going to start by posting about my life as a first time Mum I thought labour and delivery would be the best place!

It's safe to say I did not have the labour or delivery I wanted, I had done the hypnobirthing course (an online cheaper one, not made of money!) and had dreamed up a calm, quiet, lovely water birth that would let me, in essence, deliver my daughter myself and be in water which is where I had been most comfortable for the majority of my pregnancy!

On the 21/1/2023 We went in to the hospital for our 40 week midwife appointment, took my step son, Rio, with us and planned to go have the appointment and then go to Pets at Home to buy my dog Tilly a cake and a present (it was her 4th birthday) - none of that happened.

The midwife told us that I had protein in my urine, which as someone at risk of preeclampsia, isn't good, and baby girl had "static" growth, which basically meant my bump hadn't grown in 2 weeks.

My anxiety at that point went through the roof and I had a hard time not imagining the worst. We were taken up to the ward, Jasmine (our hospital have lovely names for their maternity wards) , and I was asked to do a further 2 urine samples after drinking a crap tonne of water, there was still protein present, so bloods were taken. A doctor then came to speak to me and Ross, I was a nervous wreck by this point and Ross had taken Rio to his Nannas as we knew we were in for a long wait. The doctor told us they were going to "offer" me an induction, in my addled state I took this to mean I had a choice, no, no I didn't. I did have a choice of how they would do it however. I opted for the gel, which has taken place of the pessary in our hospital due to a shortage. Luckily my Mum and Step Dad were on hand to go to the house and pick up our hospital bag, as well as poor Tilly who had, had her birthday well and truly ruined by this point. I cannot thank my Auntie Jane enough for having her as it was a much longer stay than planned! Ross was an absolute rock and I honestly would have had a full on melt down had he not been there. I felt I had failed and had clearly done something wrong to mean that she hadn't grown as she had been doing all pregnancy.

Flash forward to around 10/11pm, Ross had, had to go home by this point so I was flying solo, and the midwife (Vikki, at least I'm 99% sure that was her name, how awful is that!) who had been looking after me came to tell me that I was around 8th in line to be induced. They were hoping that a lady who was currently labouring would give birth in the early hours and they would then induce me after this, or I had the option to be induced at 7am when they would have more midwives on shift. I opted for 7am, more so that Ross wouldn't be awake worrying and would be able to be with me almost straight away as soon as it was done, as he couldn't be with me until I was having contractions, but could visit between 9am and 9pm. They had to monitor baby and I closely, meaning I had a machine strapped to my tummy. Trouble was they needed baby to be moving enough to register but be quiet enough to get a steady reading...

Night time was baby's most active time so monitoring proved to be a challenge and meant a stint on the monitor that was meant to last 30 minutes, lasted nearly 2 hours!

I was tired and so ready for sleep but by this point it was 11pm and I had got myself well and truly wired with all the worry about what tomorrow would bring and how it would affect the birth I had envisaged for myself. After catching up on some Love Island I managed to get some sleep although it was in bits and pieces.

6am on the 22/01 came bright and early on what felt like little to no sleep and I knew I was in for a long ass day! Vikki (I'm sticking with it!) came in to speak to me and to monitor baby again and check my blood pressure etc. Turned out that the lady who had been labouring all night, still hadn't given birth, so at this point I'm pleased I didn't stress myself out by thinking it could be any hour in the night as it would have been for nothing! I asked her about the chances of me still access the birthing pool, to which she said she could ask the consultant, but as I was having interventions and needed to be monitored it would be unlikely unless I only had the one intervention (gel) - SPOILER, that didn't happen!

After that little chat I was deflated and seriously wanted to go home and try bouncing on my ball or anything. But I was settled in my room and had everything I needed, so I accepted defeat... Vikki then said that they wouldn't be able to induce me on Jasmine that morning as they only had 3 midwives on shift that day, and had 2 labouring Mums already on the ward and each had to have a midwife designated to them with one midwife left free to float between other mothers. I could however move to Blueberry Ward and be induced pretty much straight away, I looked around the room I had got used to (which had a nifty view of the car park so I could people watch) but ultimately decided that the sooner the better in this case. Vikki helped me pack up my things and off we went to Blueberry, which coincidently was the ward I was meant to be on (based on my post code) anyway! The new room was nearly identical (apart from the view) and I was given a few minutes to settle in and get comfy before a new midwife (who I saw the once before she left at the end of her shift) came and took my blood pressure and performed the lovely task of inserting the gel into my cervix (lovely I know) and monitoring baby, who was behaving for once, and left me to it!

About an hour later, Lisa who would be my midwife for the day shift (and who I would pretty much hate by that night) came to monitor and check for contractions. She told me there were some contractions happening but that they would have to be a lot stronger and closer together before we progressed.

I asked again about the chances of water birth, I got the same answer, but for some reason this time it seemed more disheartening.

Ross arrived not much after and I filled him in so he could message the little group chat we had with family to keep everyone in the loop. I'll be honest the rest is kind of a boring blur of kind of contractions and trying to fight off sheer boredom. Lisa came in after our 6 hours had nearly passed (the amount needed between each gel) to see how we were progressing, it was a little before lunch and it's safe to say not a lot was happening but my cervix had started changing, albeit only a small amount, she then told me that they would probably be doing another load of the gel and with that went all my hopes of a water birth, as this was a further intervention and they would likely be breaking my waters as long as my cervix dilated enough and baby came down into a more "fixed" position. Lisa did a stretch and sweep in order to try and get me into full labour naturally and preserve some hope of the water birth. She then sent me and Ross on a walk and said she didn't want to see me unless I was upright and moving. So a walk it was and my god did I feel it! That stretch and sweep seemed to send a rocket up my body's arse (for want of a better term) and my contractions were coming thick and fast! My mum came at that point as it was visiting hours and we had been walking about an hour before we headed back to the ward for my lunch (I wont bore you with that part). We were monitored some more and I kept moving as much as I could.

I had started reciting dirty rhymes that Edmund (my step-dad) had taught me to get me through contractions, which my Mum found highly amusing and Ross found confusing.

6pm rolled around fast, Mum had gone home at the end of visiting hours at about 4 but luckily as I was having contractions Ross was able to stay with me. My contractions were regular and Lisa came to tell us that the Doctors would be coming to do a controlled breaking of my waters. It meant that I had to have a cannula put in, in case something went wrong - this did wonders for my anxiety, which I had been managing well with the help of Ross and Mum keeping me talking and the contractions keeping me distracted. Cannula in and all ready to go we were informed the Doctors had been called to an emergency in gynae but had asked the night staff to break my waters when they started their shift at the 9pm turnover. Lisa had to leave us at 7.30pm as her shift was over, I can honestly say if she hadn't just done a 12 hour shift I truly believed she would have stayed with me until the end and I will be forever grateful to her for that!

That night is a massive blur of pain and panic I will be completely honest.

As a result although I can remember the face of our midwife I cannot remember her name, and I feel awful for that because she took good care of us!

To sum the night up, the evening Doctors were called to yet another emergency and by the time they were available my contractions had waned and were thinning out. Then to top it off my blood pressure spiked considerably and I had to be quickly assessed and given blood pressure tablets, this meant baby would have to have blood sugar checks after she was born. Luckily these worked quickly and my blood pressure came back down. Everyone was trying their best not to move to the second lot of gel as this meant a definite no for my water birth dream, but it was looking more and more unlikely. Myself and Ross had managed about an hour and a half of sleep before the contractions woke me and I was in pain and couldn't remember why so entered a state of sheer panic and had to wake Ross who was happily sleeping in a chair (slight sarcasm there I'll admit) Finally at 5am they inevitably game be the 2nd lot of gel. Now being honest I cannot remember if this had any effect, I seem to think the contractions came back more regular but not enough for them to be happy to break my waters. Our evening midwife left us in the capable care of Heidi.

I've stopped here - as good a place as any, as the story is long and honestly warrants being split into two parts, the waiting and the actual action. Check out my blog for the second half!